Monday, April 4, 2011

The 5 Language of Love

 Below is the lecture I have given to my Bible Study group in one of the offices in our city. Someone requested a copy of it , so I decided to post it here instead... Happy reading...

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation - Proverbs 18:21, Proverbs 27:14, James 3: 8-10
Verbal Compliments; Words of Praise - Focus is on something they do that is under their control. Encouraging Words - Focus is on who they are. See the world from their perspective. Kind Words - Tone is crucial! Humble Words - make requests, not demands. When you make a request, are you affirming his or her abilities? Indirect Words - How you speak about a loved one not in their presence can have an impact. Words of Guidance (especially with children)

Love Language #2: Quality Time - when we give someone our undivided attention.
Togetherness = Combined focused attention. Quality Conversation A genuine attempt to understand the other person's thoughts, feelings, and desires. Become both better listerners and better sharers. Quality Activities - Anything in which one or both of you has an interest. - Mark 1:35, Ps. 1:1-3, Joshua 1:6-9, Eph. 6:18, James 5:16-18

Things to Consider
For you and your spouse or you and your family, isolate two or three experiences that brought you very close and are a source of continuing fond memories. Plan a new event that has strong "memory" potential. What are some things you can do with your spouse or other loved ones on a regular basis? Make a commitment to do at least two of these in the next month. Look back upon the last major problem or challenge your spouse faced. Write out ways you could have better
achieved the following: (a) less advice and more sympathy; (b) more understanding and fewer solutions; (c) more questions and fewer conclusions; (d) more attention to the person and less to the problem.
Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts - Proverbs 11:24-25, Proverbs 21:26, Proverbs 22:9, Luke 6:38
Think about about a gift you received as a child. What made it so special? Come up with at least three things or principles for how to show someone love through the giving of a gift. "Gifts are visual symbols of love." "Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts. Your body becomes the symbol of your love." Children know the difference between a gift and a bribe.
Things to Consider
What gifts have you given your spouse that were particularly appreciated? If this is his or her primary language, decide to give one token of love, however small, in line with those preferences each week for the next month. Are there situations that your presence is especially important to your spouse or children? Discuss with your spouse ways you may already be monitoring gift giving and how you can make this an even greater expression
of love in your family.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service "… doing things you know your spouse would like you to do."
Make a list of things you know your spouse or a close loved one wants you to do. Be specific and practical. "Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love." In order to serve well, we must pay attention to our own physical and emotional needs. Who are we really serving and for what purpose?
Things to Consider:
Choose three simple, but humble tasks that you don’t especially like, but know your spouse would be pleased to
see completed. Surprise your spouse by doing them without being asked. Many couples feel that they have overcome gender role stereotypes in their relationship but unconscious bias still remains. Discuss your deepest feelings about sharing all activities and your family history in this regard. Think back to when you were courting your spouse. What made them feel special? Can you keep doing it? - Galatians 5:13, 1 Samuel 12:24, Mark 10:45
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
Touch is more than sexual. "Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her."
Things to Consider:
Perhaps you and your spouse have never openly shared with one another the types of touching you find pleasurable. Discuss the emotional, sexual, and psychological dimensions related to all these areas of the body. Discuss what times it is especially important to be with your spouse -- special events or activities where they also want you close at hand. Is hugging or other physical expression also important to them at these times?